Things lately..

So, I had my lab appointment to test for insulin resistance. After being so sure that was what was off, turns out its normal. On the high side of normal; but normal none the less. Everything was normal except for progesterone. It was elevated slightly. I guess I should be happy, diabetes runs very strongly through my family so I was fully expecting it to be that. I am elated that I am not diabetic and will not have to be on metformin for that, however I can't help but wonder what is next. If that isn't the problem, then what is? I know all of this is a learning curve but I can't help but feel completely frustrated. My emotions have been so off lately. I am always exhausted, no matter how much or little sleep I get. We are also in the middle of moving 100 miles away so now is definitely not the time for PCOS to be kicking my ass, but it has been. Today I am just hurting. On my right side, like always. Sort of like ovulation pain but not as bad, yet. Turns out the V.A. won't cover any of the hubs testing so we will have to pay out of pocket. I am very thankful for all the VA does but they suck for all the things they slack on. They have totally screwed us on way more than just insurance issues, but that is a whole different story for a different day. I guess I just can't help wondering how much more poking and prodding they are going to have to do before they decide what treatments they want to do. I just want to have a baby, and stop worrying about all of this PCOS stuff. It is beyond ridiculous! I am completely tired of something always controlling my body and my moods and most importantly, my relationship with the one man I just can't stomach the thought of hurting or losing. Not to mention we have a wedding that I am in the middle of planning! I am hoping she will either decide to put me on metformin for the weight control and relief, or clomid to help speed up the baby process.. because one thing is for certain, no matter how much I diet or try all these different supplements, nothing has helped. I want to have the body I deserve on my wedding day, not this PCOS stricken body that I hate with a passion. I also feel like I need something to help rid the bad mood swings so I can live my life normally, or as normal as a person with PCOS can. I don't want to be on medicine full time, just something to kick the depressing moods, on the days that they rule me. At this point, I will try anything to feel better. I honestly just want to feel and be me again, in my own size 7 jeans.. hell at this point I would even be ecstatic with my size 9's. I just want to be myself again. PCOS is the devil and I wouldn't wish it on even my worst enemy. If any of you cysters have any tips or advice I would love to hear it..