That all too official word that starts with an I.

So I had my three month post metformin medicine follow up today. My doctor asked the usual questions, including about the lovely aunt flo, which hasn't came around since she was medically forced to. We went through all of the other questions and talked about how long my fiancee and I have been trying to have a baby. Its been over a year. I never ovulate to have a period unless its medically induced. I still am having issues with weight gain. I still hurt, have all the symptoms etc. We went over everything in a pretty detailed discussion and she ended up deciding to diagnose me as Infertile and refer me to a Infertility Specialist in 3 days. I see him on Monday. She told me there was not much else she could do since I was infertile and not ovulating a viable egg. I have always pondered about this day.. I somehow knew that it was coming, I knew I was never ovulating or anything. I knew the Metformin wasn't helping with anything. I just knew. And now that I am officially "Infertile" I am pretty heartbroken. Thinking about this day for a year doesn't in any way prepare you for the day it actually happens. As soon as she said that word my heart immediately shattered into a million microscopic pieces. I don't even know how to try to pick up the pieces either. Walking out of the clinic and seeing a waiting room full of pregnant women was the icing on the cake. I don't understand what I did that was so cruel to deserve to never get to be a mother. I just don't. The only string of hope that I have is that maybe the specialist on Monday can find out something and set everything in motion. I just want a baby. To all of my PCOS cysters out there, Baby dust to all of you! <3