Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome.. three complicated words that changed everything..

Hello y'all, I am starting a P.C.O.S. centered blog for my fellow cysters and as a way to vent and keep in touch with my cysters. I'll start with the basic introduction and all of that good stuff. =) I'm Taylor, I was diagnosed with PCOS in April, however I have had it for years. I live in Arkansas, but am from Missouri. (A Mizzou-rah Tigers fan for life;) I am with my soul mate, his name is Justin. He's amazing in every way. (Cliche, right?) We have been together for over a year, and known each other for years. We have no babies, and are currently trying and I am fully aware and expecting it to take a while for us to get lucky enough to have a baby, but I still hold out hope everyday for us to finally have one. What started all of this off was me not having any menstrual cycles. I have been this way since about a year after my first period. So, I went to the doctor sort of expecting it to be thyroid issues because it runs in the family. I had no idea what PCOS was or that it even existed. They did labs, and an ultrasound after the labs revealed nothing abnormal. The ultrasound showed cysts but my doctor was horrible and didn't explain anything about the syndrome or how big they were or anything like that. Well, I switched to a new practice and I see an OBGYN and a Nurse Practitioner. I love my NP she had PCOS herself and is very understanding of it all which helps a ton. Any who, we have been trying for 9 months and nothing has happened and in those 9 months I've had two or three menstrual cycles. So what the NP Said is that naturally I only ovulate 1-3 times a year. My OBGYN wanted me to try for another 6 months before giving any medication, (mind you this whole time no one has checked insulin) however this week I went to the NP and she is having me come in next week to check insulin levels. Diabetes runs in my family and I have issues with my blood sugar so hopefully she will give me some metformin to help with the weight gain and everything else. Through all of this Justin has been a total trooper. He has weathered the storms with me and is learning more about them all the time. I have about one or two a month it seems. I don't know why they happen but when they do I just get in these moods where I have this rage.. over nothing. The madder I get the closer I am to snapping which for me is good. Usually after I snap I go to bed and I am fine as if nothing ever happened. I have crying days where nothing helps and I just have to cry it out. Those suck. I am not a fan of showing emotion. I never have shown it I always hide it and deal with it alone by myself. Well, that's not an option anymore. I have those days where I just have to be pissed and get it out or it doesn't go away. They always involve Justin which I can't even explain how bad I feel for that. He's just the closest person to me and it honestly doesn't usually give me a choice on what or who I have rage with it's just an unexplainable anger. My goal is to learn these "storms" and get a feel for them when they're coming on and what triggers it. I also have days where I just hurt, all day, really bad. I have days where my pants don't fit because my ovaries are huge and I am bloated, or days where I feel somewhat skinny and confident. I have to say one of the worst things about this is the toll it takes on my self confidence. Now seems worse than ever. It definitely makes me feel unworthy. I feel like Justin deserves a woman who can have as many babies as he wants, when they want.. and one that doesn't have unexplainable always changing moods. This is definitely a learning curve for sure. Anyways, all my cysters follow and I will follow back so we can keep in touch and support each other. Baby dust to all. =)